I often suffer from painful sex attributed to endometriosis. My partner is well informed regarding the nature of my pain and the fact that its occurrence and severity changes with my cycle and different positions. He asks me to always tell him when I am in pain, but sometimes I am just slightly uncomfortable or experience fleeting pain and I don’t know how much of it needs to be vocalized. When dealing with chronically painful sex, does every twinge of pain need to be vocalized? Is it wrong to myself and to my partner if I do not speak up about a pain that I know will pass shortly?
Chronic pain is a very personal experience. Though you can vocalise what it feels like, only you know when it’s too much and going to hinder your enjoyment. I think it’s amazing that your partner wants to be informed of your pain, but not all pain requires a complete shutdown of activity. Try expanding the language you use to describe your pain. Maybe green light pain is slight and not needing to be communicated, yellow maybe requires a quick break or slow down, while red light pain requires a need to stop. Ultimately it’s your body and how you chose to vocalise your experience is the right way.
Amy Boyajian is the Founder and CEO of wildflowersex, an all-inclusive, online sexual wellness boutique. A former dominatrix, Amy created Wild Flower as an organic retaliation to the unethical and discriminatory practices in the sex and pleasure industries.
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