It’s all about AROUSAL. And vaginal arousal comes in many forms and from many players.

Anatomically speaking, there’s Clitoris, and her long, beautiful legs aka the Vestibular Bulbs and then there’s our swellers Urethral Sponge and Perineal Sponge. They all live on the outside. And they can be stimulated for pleasure! All of the tissues surrounding the vaginal opening, a.k.a. the introitus (vaginal vocab quiz later) swell and create a sexy, puffy place for the partner to enter. This includes a ring of tissue around the urethra called a sponge, and all of this swelling enhances sensitivity and therefore stimulation.

There’s also the emotional component. Each body is different, and while there are some anatomical likelihoods, emotions, memories, and injuries can change everything. Each of us responds to touch a little differently based on biological AND emotional factors. Your sexual response may not even require much touch at all! But the willingness of your body to open can be impacted by emotional state because of how your nervous system works. If you feel anxious, which your nervous system registers through breath primarily, not thoughts, your blood is going to pull away from your genitals because, basically your body thinks you must be anxious because there’s a bear stalking you and why would you need to feel sexy if there’s a bear stalking you? So keep that in mind, take a deep breath, and be nice to yourself. If you don’t feel safe or seen, your body might not be responding in order to let you know that you need something different.

Cause here’s the thing. If there hasn’t been adequate stimulation – which often includes, or is preceded by the feeling of excitement and trust, the vaginal tissue won’t engorge (no boner) there will be no tenting (feels like bumper cars inside) and likely no orgasm (womp womp.)